Diabetes Depression

As if life with diabetes wasn’t depressing enough. My last blood work didn’t come out very good. All the kidney indicators were high, not terribly high, but this was the second time my tests weren’t good. So, my doctor took me off lisinopril and I have to do labs and see her again in three weeks.

I always do research to try and be more informed about what is going on with myself. Of course the things I find out aren’t very inspiring. You know, the same old things like…..

*Diabetes can overwork the kidneys, causing them to stop working properly. High blood sugar levels make the kidneys filter too much blood, and after many years, this extra stress can lead to kidney disease.

*Studies have shown that kidney disease, also called diabetic nephropathy, is a potential long-term consequence of diabetes. It presents in approximately 20 to 40 percent of patients with diabetes. There may be several causes, but one of the main issues that can aggravate kidney function is hyperglycemia, especially long-standing hyperglycemia.

*Diabetes is a leading cause of kidney failure. The reason? Diabetic kidney disease (diabetic nephropathy) is a common, long-term complication that results from the vascular abnormalities that high blood sugar causes. What’s more, diabetes is often the main cause of the most advanced stage of kidney disease (known as end stage renal disease, or ESRD).
Read more at http://www.diabeticconnect.com/diabetes-information-articles/general/360-the-correlation-between-diabetes-and-kidney-disease#IxvF0IcqPu1AgTMK.99

Also, being of Hispanic descent increases my chances of kidney disease.

*U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES
Race, Ethnicity, and Kidney Disease

African Americans, Hispanics, and American Indians are at high risk for developing kidney failure. This risk is due in part to high rates of diabetes and high blood pressure in these communities. Below is more information about kidney failure for each of these groups.

African Americans
African Americans are almost four times as likely as Whites to develop kidney failure.

While African Americans make up about 13 percent of the population, they account for 32 percent of the people with kidney failure in the United States. Diabetes and high blood pressure are the leading causes of kidney failure among African Americans.

Learn more about the impact of kidney disease on African Americans and steps to keep the kidneys healthy in What African Americans with Diabetes or High Blood Pressure Need to Know: Get Checked for Kidney Disease.

Hispanics
A growing number of Hispanics are diagnosed with kidney disease each year. Since 2000, the number of Hispanics with kidney failure has increased by more than 70 percent.

Compared to non-Hispanics, Hispanics are almost 1.5 times more likely to be diagnosed with kidney failure.

My last gripe about diabetes today is about how poor or uninsured people are more likely to die from kidney disease than insured people.

*In the United States, public health insurance is available for nearly all persons with end-stage renal disease (ESRD).

Uninsured persons with non-dialysis dependent CKD are at higher risk for progression to ESRD than their insured counterparts but are less likely to receive recommended interventions to slow disease progression. Lack of public health insurance for patients with non-dialysis dependent CKD may result in missed opportunities to slow disease progression and thereby reduce the public burden of ESRD.

THANKS TO THE UNITED STATES FOR TAKING CARE OF PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE GOING TO DIE. LETS JUST FORGET ABOUT  ANY PREVENTATIVE CARE AND HELPING PEOPLE STAY ALIVE!

Not so New Years resolution

It’s the fifth day into the new year and I’m not doing so well on my new get healthy plan.

I decided in December, at the instigation of my Dr., that I need to lose weight and get my A1C down. I figured I would wait out the holidays before starting to try and diet. What difference would a couple of weeks make.

With all the good intentions we always have, I started out the year………day 1 Golden Corral dinner buffet. Not the ideal place to eat while trying to diet. Sure, I could have made healthy choices but what fun would that have been.

Just in case you’re thinking it, I know that I am making a lifestyle change and am not really dieting.

At least I have not been eating junk food or McDonalds. I did buy healthy food the other day at the grocery store. I haven’t eaten any of it. I did manage to lose a couple of pounds, somehow.

I have not yet managed to go for a walk or do anything else remotely like exercise. I really have to get my mind set. I have until March to lose 15 lbs., per the Dr.

I can do it, I know I can!

Check back with you next week.

Exasperating

Here I sit, another day.  Nothing in my world in too exciting to say.  I have nothing happy to inspirational to say.  That’s why I haven’t written.  What I do have to say is that life is exasperating.

I am trying my best to stay happy, to stay focused on my goals and my future.  I want to permanently get out of my depression.  I know it’s not realistic for me to expect to get out now, but that’s what I want.  You know how they always tell you (in therapy) that people will mistakenly say to you, “get over it”, “what’s the big deal”, “things could be worse”. Well, that’s how I feel.  I want it over now!

I feel that people will get tired of me being depressed.  People don’t understand.  I mean really, things could be worse.

I am not actively mad at my brother for doing this to me.  I just hate being like this.  I hate the fact that these feelings, the way I have learned to be as a result of the abuse, are taking me down.  While it seemed as though I had it together up until now, I did not.  At least I did a better job at faking it.  I don’t like that I can’t pull it together enough to put up a good front.

This whole thought today applies to my diabetes and other health problems too. That is why I am posting this on both blogs.

I am angry with myself for not taking care of myself when I was younger.  Who am I kidding? I don’t take better care of myself now.  It all goes together though.  My depression will not allow me to take care of myself.  I feel bad, I don’t exercise.  I feel bad, I eat junk food, comfort food.

I am trying to get disability or at least SSI and Medicaid.  How can I afford all my medication?  All of my doctor appointments? How am I supposed to hold a job when I have to get up and go?  I don’t go! I have two therapy appointments a week, and many months at least 5 doctor appointments.  What about my self loathing?  When am I supposed to do that?

One condition feeds the other.  Sometimes I feel that it is all just one big mess!

Affordable Care Act

This is my rant for today………….

I have come to the conclusion that this “obamacare” is bullshit!  At first I thought it was a good idea.  One step closer to better health care for everyone.  Yes, there are flaws, as with anything.

The expanded Medicaid is still a good idea to me. There are so many poor people, adults and children, that can really benefit from it.  The Governors who didn’t opt for the Government money to expand are just stupid in my opinion.  Seriously, why not take the aid from the federal government. Local governments end up paying for indigents anyway. How do they think poor people get medical care?  Basic medical care, but it’s something. The clinics and hospitals have to pick up the tab, many times through subsidies from their local government.

 

So now this is how it affects me.  I currently have no job. I am applying for disability.  I have been through one appeal already.  This government website to help you find insurance is bs too.  Oh ya, you can get insurance, no one is denied even with pre existing conditions. Well, that’s me, diabetes and some complications of it.  Sure I can get insurance for $350 a month!  Yes, I put in that I was unemployed. How do they think I’m going to come up with that?

 

If our our Governor would have went with the Medicaid expansion at least I would have a better chance of obtaining that. As it is now, I still don’t have insurance, I still don’t have Medicaid, and I am still going to be fined for not having either.

 

WELCOME TO AMERICA!!!

What else?

I don’t pay enough attention to this page. A reflection of the attention I pay to my diabetes.

I cannot impress enough how important it is to maintain control of your diabetes. That means controlling, changing your life.

Easy for me to say, right? Yes, it is easy to say, but a lot harder to do. Do what I say, not what I do.

It is difficult to change your whole life. I have had all these bad habits most of my life and now I am expected to change them. Just like that.

Exercise? Eat more vegetables? Watch my carbs? Carbs were always my weakness. Carbs and salty snacks. I hardly ever ate sweets. Now I want them though. Damn resentful brain.

Keep in mind the plethora of other medical problems diabetes can lead to. I feel as though my body is breaking down. It is just giving up on me.

I will keep working at this. I am not giving up!

And so it began…

@cr8zynfl
May 8, 2013

Finding out I have diabetes was difficult. I knew what the possible outcomes were. I was afraid, surprised, confused.

I will tell my story from the beginning soon enough. Now I just want to say…..I came home from my doctors appointment today, disappointed in myself, discouraged yet encouraged.

My A1C level had gone up over 1 point. Doesn’t seem like much, but for those with diabetes, you know how hard it can be. I was relatively proud of myself. I started at 11.7 and got it down to 7. Now I’m back up to 8.5.

It’s difficult sometimes.

Sometimes it seems like a futile effort.

Control

Haven’t updated my blog because I didn’t have much to say.

I’ve gone through periods where I take good care of myself. I exercise, eat correctly, monitor my sugar like I’m supposed to. Then there are the times I don’t. Right now is one of those times.

Not doing the things that are necessary to maintain a healthy blood sugar level is only detrimental to yourself. Yet, it still happens. Why do I get burnout? Isn’t it a drag to think about and do all this stuff on a daily basis? Yes, it sure is.

I suppose once I really change my life for the good, it will become normal for me. Just like not exercising and not eating properly have become the norm. The difficult part for me is to just get there.

One would think that it would be easier. We know this is what we have to do. We know our health and life depend on it. Why are we so self destructive? I know part of my reason is my depression. Once it starts, for one reason or another, it keeps rolling down hill.

As a result I end up taking even more medication, which I hate taking to begin with. I now have an under active thyroid in addition to; high blood pressure, high cholesterol, action tremors in my hands, PTSD and MDD. All of which brings me up to a total of 15 medications that I take on a daily basis. This number doesn’t include the aspirin I’m to take daily or
any vitamins I take. I take cinnamon which helps with the sugar level.

Now, once again I am trying to get on the path to a more healthy lifestyle. I hope I can make it stick this time.